Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Must be Crazy....

Sooo, today amongst the sickness of my sweet child and myself, I find out some bad news and good news. All of which made me very sad. Allow me to explain....

My brother, his wonderful wife and sweet, adorable boys were coming to visit us the week after we returned from Spring Break to Idaho. But life happens and they will have to come later. Not a big deal, but still very sad. I'm sure my sister-in-law is jus as sad as I am. It doesn't really change our life, it's still sad to have to wait a bit longer.

Then about a half hour ago I found out one of my very good friends is expecting baby number three. Albeit I AM absolutley thrilled for her, I felt a pang of jealousy for a bit. Weird. I've had the baby hungries for awhile now. Odd you say? I must agree, being as I have a 4 month old. So much of me wants to have more children. I don't really know why I feel so down about it. Part of me is envious she's so fertile. Also, many of my other girlfriends are expecting, too.

I remember what I felt like when I was waiting to have my first child and how disappointed I was when I heard person after person was expecting who had gotten married after I had. I felt like I was missing out. I felt almost empty at times. I'm past that initial stage, obviously. This time feels different. More melancoly. Almost like someone's missing. Don't ask me why.

No, I'm not going to sit around feeling miserable and miss out on the best part of being a mother for the first time. I'll make the most of it. And really, I am a very happy person. I would just like not to have ot wait a mandatory year to try again just because someone tells me I have to.

1 comment:

Kellie said...

Aw Beka-you'll have my baby to spoil rotten! ;) Girl, just remember that your life is YOUR life and you can't compare others decisions to your own. I feel like Brett and I waited the perfect amount of time-but it was PERFECT because it was OURS. Everyone's perfect is different. And if you want to have another baby then you should just go for it! Things will work out. They always do. You're not crazy! You have so much love to give and your handsome little son is SO lucky to have you. So am I! I love you!