Ever SO Much More than I Can Say...

This morning after talking briefly to a newly-found old friend, I had the opportunity to sit back, look at my son and really analyze him. He was tailor-maid by God just for me and my husband. I know it. He is THE perfect child- for us. I got offline and played with him before giving him a snack and putting him down to nap.

As I rocked him to sleep, I looked around his room now that it's been rearranged to make room for his new toddler bed. I like it better now and having the different perspective opened my mind to other areas of my life to be thankful for. I started to get down to the knitty-gritty things in life, all the things that people complain about and have so much trouble with (including myself). I have problems just like everyone else, but in the grand scheme of things, I really have nothing to complain about at all. I have very little bills and all my basic needs are covered. I have a husband who loves me dearly and supports my decision to stay at home and raise our family. I didn't have ot wait very long to have children after getting married, and so and and so forth. I thought through all this as I put my son down in his crib.

As is customary for me after baby goes down, I hop on the computer for a few minutes to catch up on all things bloggy and Facebooky. I found this poem on an old friend's blog. I've known her for years and have had the opportunity to watch her change and become such an amazing woman. I look up to her very much because I see so much of myself in her. She was one of my older sister's best friends all throughout high school and well into college, and even today. I'm blessed to still be a small part of her life, even though we live a thousand miles away.

Here is her post:

Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes;

We have plenty of food to eat.

Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry;

We have plenty of nice clothes to wear.

And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds;

They were so warm and comfortable last night.

I know that many have no bed.

My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom,

Complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy, grimy towels and dirty lavatory;

They are so convenient.

Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly;

It has served us faithfully for many years.

It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.

Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today.

It has baked so many things over the years.

The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing,

The lawn that needs raking;

We all enjoy the yard.

Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door.

My kids are healthy and able to run and play.

Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says

You have richly blessed my family.

I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.

May we all be thankful like the person who wrote this poem. Have wonderful weekend!

Communication Block?

So, for the last year or so I've been trying to figure out how to communicate better. I mean, we all can, but I've been actively trying to gage myself trying to figure out where I'm failing.

I had the opportunity to have lunch with my two best friends out here in my ward and as women, we love to talk. I'm a people watcher by nature mostly, so as I watched my girlfriends talk, I tried to quiet the loud part of who I am and jump in to every part of the conversation I felt I had something pertinent to add.

One of them is expecting her first and the other has an adorable baby girl. It's interesting being the one who's a step ahead in life, at least in the children's department. Not that I feel I know any more than they do! But I sure never thought I would be. It makes me feel old. But moving on...

As I watched the expectant mother talk about how things in her life have brought her to where she is now, I found that I have so very much more in common with her in so very many different aspects of my life, which is probably why we love to get together and talk so much. But my other girlfriend sat there listening and laughing at the appropriate times. She was so gracious, great at listening. I used to be that way for so long.

It's like I've let the advice mother inside of me take over the listener I was. It was an eye opener. I had so many things I could've said, so many similar situations that have happened to me or people in my family when they talk and we get together. I find that for myself if I feel like I'm connecting, I have to find a story within my life that is similar because I feel like I don't have anything to add and I'm a boring person if I just sit and listen. But oh! I found people like that when I was growing up INSUFFERABLE!! How did I become someone whom I used to be so annoyed by??

So after watching them, I sat back and processed all this in the midst of our conversation. How did I get so old? How did I become such a know-it-all? I'm a pretty blunt person and my husband is always telling me to watch how I direct my speech at others because I don't sugar-coat. He says that I can even be mean at times. I'm soooo not mean. Am I?

This is going to take awhile to sort out. I mean, I like me. At least, I think I like me? I do, don't I? After today, I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm over analyzing everything because I'm pregnant. But I can't be too sure. I just want to be a nice person that people aren't afraid to talk to or have fear I'm going to tromp all over the things they have to share with me. Oh perfect. Why am I crying?? Deep breaths. Calm down.

I think it's time to shelve this one and hit the sack.

20 weeks

That's right. Saturday marked week 20 in my pregnancy. And to celebrate, I bought a car! (Still no ability to upload pictures b/c of laptop problems.) No really. My husband and I got me a fabulous car. My girlfriend Kellie had sent me a link to one of her friends in a neighboring city who was selling her car, which wasn't exactly what we were looking for, but was in good shape, very little miles, and in our price range. So I emailed her and left her my number.

This woman left me an email saying that someone was coming to look at the car at 8am and she didn't know what time was too early to call. I was so angry and upset that I didn't tell her that anytime after 6am would be fine to call because of how early my son gets up and even more so because my husband and I felt very much that this was what we were supposed to do. We'd been feeling very apprehensive about getting a car from a dealer and spiritually that it was not what we were supposed to do.

The woman graciously emailed me back and let me know that her car had sold. Now I was super confused. Why would Lars and I both feel settled about something and not have it work out? Grousing to myself in my head, I pulled up Craigslist.com and started to scan through cars in the OC. I found one that looked right (a VW Jetta), similar the link I'd been sent by Kellie and made the call. Someone was already on their way to look at it. Brick wall.

I made another phone call. Sold. Brick wall.

I made another phone call, not enough information. Brick wall.

I found a great 2007 family Volvo for sale, made the call. As I calculated the insurance payment in my head on top of dropping every penny we had in our savings just for the car and not including money for car/repair/insurance, I quickly came to the conclusion that insuring and repairing a luxury car was so not going to happen. Brick wall.

I made a few other phone calls with more of the same thing. But now I was fueled by frustration and anger. I was on a mission. I knew I was supposed to buy a car this day. So I kept at it.

Then the woman I originally called about the first Jetta (because I'd found a few) told me that the person who was coming by had repeatedly kept calling and saying she was just around the corner, even though they lived in the same city. We were told we could come out and look at the car, since the car owner was tired of being jerked around. So we prayed, loaded up, and headed to Orange County.

When we got there, the car was gone. Actually, the person who had originally wanted to look at the car was behind us IN THE CAR. Now I was ticked. Holding my breath. They left, saying they wanted to think about it. WHAT?? Who does that?

We checked out the car ourselves and crossed our fingers. We paid for it and while Lars filled out the paperwork, the woman who was selling the car got out a kids drinkable yogurt and some Oreos to share with my son. She and her husband were so kind. I was just blown away that she would share something with us when she had two little girls of her own and was selling us her car.

Now after how nice this couple was, I'm really hoping there's nothing super wrong with this car. It'll go to the mechanic's this week sometime when Lars can take it because this momma is not putting herself or her child in that car until everything's put together. **Holding my breath**

And you'll be happy to know that for the first time EVER, I drove an entire 45 minutes on the freeway with my son in the backseat following my husband home. I've never driven on a California freeway for more than 15 minutes to get to work, so nearly and hour was a miracle. I'm not saying I'll be doing that anytime soon again, but now I know that I'm capable of it. Maybe I'll get a TomTom I won't be so freaked out about getting so hopelessly lost with no one to find me that I'll die of panic in the car....

Announcing...

All the pictures are labeled, mostly at the bottom. Just scroll!

IT'S A GIRL!!!

Retro Thursday

So my oldest sister Rachael has been going over to my grandparents 3 times a week to help them go through their slides and old microfilms to put onto disc format to finish their family history. My grandmother is a big family history buff and had her personal history finished about 15 years ago so she could just add to it as the rest of her life when on. My grandfather on the other hand is much like me and took until just last year to finish his and they're both in their early 80s.

Anyway, I asked Rae if there were any pictures of me and she emailed me a couple and I was completely shocked at how much I looked like Jonathan. I mean, our expressions and the shape of our faces- everything! I spent quite a bit of time last night talking to Rae about how my personality was when I was Jonnie's age and apparently I was just as serious and a big people watcher, only rambuncious and giggly around those I felt safest with. But I love these pictures and HAD to share them! (If you click on the images, you can seee up close how much we really do look alike.)

My Grandpa and Grandma Clawson with my siblings 25 years ago at my sister's baptism, January 1986. I was 18 months old.

My parents, my siblings and I, Rachael's baptism.

I just love old photos of when we were little. There are so few from before the divorce, so when we find them, it's like a little piece of treasure- a link to our past for our childrens geneology.

Week ???

Week 18!

That's right! I'm 18 weeks and I'm just finding out I'm nearly half way through my pregnancy. I was only a week off of when I thought I was due. I still think I'm right until I get my blood work done in a couple weeks. (I was going to post photos, but my memory card isn't opening and I haven't been able to figure out what's wrong for a couple weeks, which is why there have been no photo entries as of the last month and a half.)

I met with an RN today to get all my paperwork set and go through my medical record- you know, all the necessary and boring stuff. The nurses were so nice. I was shocked to actually be treated like a person and not a number to be rushed in a pushed out the door for the next one in line to come in.

Here's the kicker, though: I've lost 15 pounds, which is nearly half of the weight I gained with Jonathan and never lost. I was shocked when I climbed on the scale and the nurse told me how much I weighed compared to when I last went to the doctor in December. I'm still sick in the mornings, but I can mostly control it if I take it slow and drink lots of water the moment I get out of bed. Something I never would've been able to figure out the first time around. It's amazing what you can figure out the second time around.

I have my first appointment with the doctor in 10 days, Monday the 22nd and it's an ultrasound. The most interesting thing is that I'll see my baby before I even hear her. I shouldn't say her, but I've gotten so used to the idea of having a girl, it just doesn't seem like it could possibly be anything else. But we'll see. I'm just so relieved not to be in between insurances and be fully covered to get these things taken care of. I've had a great day. Peace of mind is something you really don't know you've lost until you've worried yourself into an emotional stupor.

Time for CHANGE

Alrighty. Enough. I've been using Blogger and my Facebook status as an outlet for frustration latey.

I need a change. I wanted to post all the pictures that went with all the great happenings in that last couple weeks, but the truth is, I don't have the time or patience to upload them and I need to talk about how awesome life really is. All out of order, here is my life from the last little while.

I was able to go with my girlfriend Mary and Jonathan to Olive Garden for lunch last week. We had their lunch special and I don't think I could cram in enough salad and breadsticks. I loved the soup, but really, the true love of my pregnancy life is Olive Garden salad. Then I had a sitter for baby later that day and was in and out of my new insurance office before I could even sit down, in either waiting area I was sent to. Then I got to come home to find my husband already home, which was great surprise.

Jonathan has been learning all sorts of adorable things: he's finally figured out how to talk into a cell phone correctly (many other little boys of my friends around his age figured this out a couple months ago), and now EVERYTHING goes to his shoulder- including dirty socks! He knows how to climb on just about everything if he wiggles enough, which can be interesting keeping him from pulling things down off the counters. He's also figured out how to get past most of his baby gates!! He's been learning to WALK up the stairs and not crawl, although most of the time, he still prefers the latter. He will eat just about anything I feed him now, as long as it's not too bitter, like peas, so I mix them with another vegetable and the amount he eats, unbelievable! He lets me know when he's ready to go outside almost like a little puppy- he brings me his jacket (when we forget to hang it up on the coat wrack), socks from his dirty laundry, and his shoes. It cracks me up! He's very good about going to bed, he runs on a good schedule and hates it when we mess with it. And I finally figured out that when he holds his arms out to me and grunts, "Uooo, Uooo!" he's been saying "Up!"

He also LOVES to play fetch with his little soft baseballs. For a long time, if he brought me a toy that I was tired of being shoved me face, I'd toss it across the room or into the hallway by his bedroom and sit back down at the table or couch to finish whatever it was I was doing and he'd ALWAYS bring it to me in the next ten minutes. Then we eventually though about it, found a ball, tossed it across the room and told him, "Go get it!" He was fast about it! We had a good laugh about it when we figured out Jonathan thought I'd been playing a game for the last few months.

I've been working on anger-management being a mother and I can tell you, it feels AMAZING! I don't yell anymore, even when I'm frustrated and it's wonderful not to carry around the guilt that inevitably follows. It helps SO much that Larry and I try to get on the same page in our parenting and discuss things that we're not sure about to ask the other parent's opinion. I'm also happier because of it. I enjoy my time with my son so much more than when I was trying to make him understand things he's simply just to little to grasp. He's my little angel and I only get to have him tiny for so long before time and the world force him to grow up.

So there anger! Take that to the bank. I'M HAPPY DANG IT! Life is wonderful and there is no more morning sickness. How much better can life be when you choose to be happy no matter what the situation?