Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Communication Block?

So, for the last year or so I've been trying to figure out how to communicate better. I mean, we all can, but I've been actively trying to gage myself trying to figure out where I'm failing.

I had the opportunity to have lunch with my two best friends out here in my ward and as women, we love to talk. I'm a people watcher by nature mostly, so as I watched my girlfriends talk, I tried to quiet the loud part of who I am and jump in to every part of the conversation I felt I had something pertinent to add.

One of them is expecting her first and the other has an adorable baby girl. It's interesting being the one who's a step ahead in life, at least in the children's department. Not that I feel I know any more than they do! But I sure never thought I would be. It makes me feel old. But moving on...

As I watched the expectant mother talk about how things in her life have brought her to where she is now, I found that I have so very much more in common with her in so very many different aspects of my life, which is probably why we love to get together and talk so much. But my other girlfriend sat there listening and laughing at the appropriate times. She was so gracious, great at listening. I used to be that way for so long.

It's like I've let the advice mother inside of me take over the listener I was. It was an eye opener. I had so many things I could've said, so many similar situations that have happened to me or people in my family when they talk and we get together. I find that for myself if I feel like I'm connecting, I have to find a story within my life that is similar because I feel like I don't have anything to add and I'm a boring person if I just sit and listen. But oh! I found people like that when I was growing up INSUFFERABLE!! How did I become someone whom I used to be so annoyed by??

So after watching them, I sat back and processed all this in the midst of our conversation. How did I get so old? How did I become such a know-it-all? I'm a pretty blunt person and my husband is always telling me to watch how I direct my speech at others because I don't sugar-coat. He says that I can even be mean at times. I'm soooo not mean. Am I?

This is going to take awhile to sort out. I mean, I like me. At least, I think I like me? I do, don't I? After today, I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm over analyzing everything because I'm pregnant. But I can't be too sure. I just want to be a nice person that people aren't afraid to talk to or have fear I'm going to tromp all over the things they have to share with me. Oh perfect. Why am I crying?? Deep breaths. Calm down.

I think it's time to shelve this one and hit the sack.


Kellie said...

Beka, I think it's great that you are trying to improve you communication skills and improve your friendships. People are not always looking for someone who ALWAYS knows how they feel, or who always has some advice to give. It somehow takes away from one's experiences when other always try to relate and give advice. Sometimes people need someone to listen, encourage and just be there. Life is not a race. Being a step-ahead in life is just not possible. Everyone has had different life experiences who makes them the person that they are. :)

Rebekah said...

Thanks Kellie. Even though it made me cry for a long time, I needed to hear it. I don't know how i've turned into this person. I think I should spend time away from people more often now that I know where I'm going wrong. Like I said, I need time to process.

Dragon Maiden said...

Ah hun, sometimes there's conflicting intentions within ourselves that are at odds with each other. It's not a sin, and it doesn't make us bad people. Besides, you put up with my communication faults. What type of friend and sister would I be if I didn't do the same thing for you? *bigbigsishugs* I love you, mah girlehgirl!

The Other Mary said...

I think we all have to come to terms with who we are and how we do things. I don't think there's necessarily such thing as a "Good" communicator, because there are so many different styles of communication.

The hard part is learning to gauge what style the people around us are, and how to meet them on their level.

That's the hard part for me, cause I hate to work hard/change :\

And there's my two cents. You brought up a very interesting idea. Sometimes I wish I could be as open as you are, brave girl ....somtimes :)

Kellie said...

No, I definitely don't think you should seclude yourself! We all have our communicative faults. I happen to think you are strong for trying to improve yourself AND for admitting to the blogger world your faults. :) Most of us are not so brave.

Andrew and Lauren said...
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